I knew Queen Elizabeth had the right idea! She's no fool.

Taylor Gifts has designed a Neck Traction invention that helps relieve neck pressure caused by pinched nerves, tension headaches, and/or osteoarthritis according to the website. For twenty bucks, you can have a stylish collar and no more pain. Sounds like a good deal to me. And if you stand in front of a matching blue color backdrop, you can fool the neighborhood kids into thinking your head is just floating above your body. Cool Halloween trick! Remember to consult your doctor before purchasing. It is not Dr. Danni, sadly. 

We can all use some medical inventions, so get a prototype going today. I need that constant throbbing pain in my right temporal lobe fixed; I have fondly nicknamed it, "the boyfriend."

Here are some inventions that are guaranteed to quench your thirst or land you in a drunk tank/hospital. Foolish Gadgets has invented the Drinking Roulette Set! Fun for the whole family I say. You can commit two sins at once, gambling and heavy drinking! Just don't beat your kids, cheat on your spouse, or commit murder, and you are okay by me. At my party, I would fill some shot glasses with water and some with 151, just to make it a little more interesting and to keep the drunks hydrated. Speaking of drunks, they should invent an eating roulette set. Burrito, taco, hamburger, etc-- I could definitely launch that type of game. Delicious!

This second invention, Russian Beerbong Roulette, is crazy. Instead of killing yourself right away, you can die a slow and painful death due to liver damage. Basically, the way it works is that you fill the beer bong with beer (who knew?), pass the funnel around, and each person takes out a beer. Eventually, one of the beers will trigger the alcohol to flow. I just realized how this invention really should be promoted as a way to spread oral diseases. That being said, expect these inventions at my next Holiday Party. Go, Danni, Go, Go, Go Danni!

Now, you can stab someone and knock them out at the same time. MadZone Marketing has developed the ultimate weapon, a 1.5 pound fork and knife set. This is the desperate housewife's dream-- a weapon that appears harmless, but could conk your lazy husband out. Then again, if he is lazy, he is probably already conked out in front of the TV. You may think that the purpose of putting a weight on a product is to help you exercise a particular body part. Not in this case, the weight may exercise your hand and arm muscles, but its main purpose is to prevent you from eating too much. Their theory is that if it gradually gets too hard to pick up your utensils to eat, you will eventually realize you need to slow down and stop eating too much. There is one little problem with this theory, it is called hands! Chicken fingers, fries, corndogs, hot dogs-- I think I found a loop hole.

And where is the spoon??? Okay, you guys got me, I will purchase the knife and fork lift to lose weight, but I am using a regular spoon to eat ice cream with hot chocolate, whip cream, and a cherry on top, deal? If you have an exercising invention that is as crazy as this, let me know. Now that my arm muscles have been worked out, I may need to tone the rest of my body. Hey, hey, stop thinking about my body and invent out there!

(For Raina)

But can keep delicious cocktails cool! I may have to purchase thousands of these to fill my pool, but how snobbishly rich of me would it be to swim in a pool of diamonds? You know you want to. For $6.95 at Sur La Table, you can act like a swanky lady or gentleman that, of course, uses diamonds to keep your drinks perfectly chill, since you have so many just lying around. With some food dye, you can even have rubies, emeralds, and garnets-- how kind of you to include the less worthy gems in your drink. You are a real humanitarian.

Don't forget to keep inventing out there. Because even though a diamond ice mold has already been invented, there still needs to be a pirate coin, a diamond necklace,  and a bracelet ice mold, etc, until I build a treasure chest of freezing proportions then will I be satisfied. And I like the idea that in a few hours, all that beauty will be gone. I know what you are thinking, Danni, you are so poetic. Yes, yes I am.

The Fujifilm FinePix Z700 EXR is the first camera that has an "Auto Dog/Cat Detection" function. Basically, when your cat/dog/ferret looks directly at the camera, snap! a picture is taken. Even the exposure and focus is adjusted, so that you can get the best picture possible starring your big baby for next year's Holiday card. I think this function would work really well for human babies too. Also, you can program the camera to take 10 pictures at a time to see which facial expression you like most. I can't wait to purchase this invention! I wonder if it works on people who look like animals too. I once knew a guy who looked exactly like the GEICO gecko. I'll have to find him on Facebook to test my theory out.

Remember keep inventing out there! "Pet owners" is a huge market that you can easily tap into once you have a prototype. And we all know, who was the first in line to purchase the FinePix Z700: 

So much love there!

...We are replacing you, one invention at a time. At least, you still have your good looks to fall back on, because Live Luggage is taking away your ability to impress all the single ladies on the plane with your heavy-lifting luggage skills. Now women can fit all their pairs of shoes without struggling to lug their carry-on around the airport or into the overhead bin; Live Luggage is a power-wheel bag! Now if it could only get itself to the terminal on its own, we would be set. It also has an anti-gravity handle that pulls 85% of your weight, so that you can look stylish carrying pounds of last minute gifts that you purchased at the airport. You won't even be able to tell that you added the weight! And the real kicker of Live Luggage is that both bags detach making it easier to stuff and lift your carry-on into the overhead container. No more smacking random people in the head, unless of course, you want to. Hey, I have met a lot of strange and obnoxious individuals on airplanes as I am sure you have to. I don't judge.

If you have a great invention that will make traveling less stressful, remember to seek patenting advice first. Now let's all board a plane to the Caribbean Islands pronto!